Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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