OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
