After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
