so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
