And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
