Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I understand Curling. That high.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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