omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
