Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
they need to just BURY HIM!
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
