she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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