My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
