I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
