You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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