How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
