Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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