I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
