Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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