Please, let me fuck your mom
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Randomize
