Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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