i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
did you just send me my own nude
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
