walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize