you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
