my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
