There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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