They should really pass out barf bags in church
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
