you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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