You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
