Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize