Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
