I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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