Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
