I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
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