wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
