am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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