I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
