i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
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