Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
