You were right. It hurts to walk today.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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