I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
