Umm I'm too high to move.
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Randomize