I swear god or herbie drove my car home
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
