I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
