But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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