My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
