What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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