You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
