i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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