I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
