Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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