the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
