WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
