we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
