i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
