My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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