you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
as a side note pls kill me
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I was not drunk enough for that final.
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