i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
