chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
As shirtless as possible
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
