I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
