I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
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