theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
