Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
