dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
