i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize