How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
