You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Are my feet made of real feet?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
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