:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
