What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
