Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
