Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
