3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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