so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
