I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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