I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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