bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
