Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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