K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
