Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
