it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize