Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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