"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
