my soul wont recognize me after tonight
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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