Moan for me like Helen Keller
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
