did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
