if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Randomize