I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
