When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
