Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
