I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i just google imaged poop.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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