Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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