my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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