think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
