I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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