I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
