i may or may not be watching the land before time
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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