i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
