the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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