Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
