I smell stomach acid.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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